I never mastered the ability to talk with my mouth shut.

"Who said that every wish would be heard and answered when wished on an evening star? Somebody thought of it and someone believed it, and look what its done so far..."
-Jim Henson

I slept all day yesterday, and when I say all day, I mean I think I was awake for 5 hours total. Everytime I opened my eyes, I had this unexplainable feeling to close them. It was like a perma nap hangover.

Nap Hangover- The groggy, tired, unable-to-open-one's-eyes feeling that one can experience after a midday nap.

"...And perhaps you can sense, in some small twisting loop of your gut, the convergence of the wrong, of the right, and of the woefully misguided. If you do, then pay sharp attention to the moment you wake, and the moment you fall asleep...For maybe then you will know, without a shadow of a doubt, which is which." -Everwild

If I had a super power, it would be to make my internet work anywhere at any time. Nothing pains me more than when my internet is being slow. When I’m stumbling, surfing the web, or trying to play Words With Friends and all I see is that spinning button on my tab, I become full of rage. With this magical power, I would always have a perfect internet connection, stuff would never buffer and everywhere I go, there would be amazing Wifi and plugs. I suppose I could also invest in my own internet connection.

"I believe that we form our own lives, that we create our own reality, and that everything works out for the best."              
-Jim Henson

If I was a Muppet I would be Abby Cadabby or Zoe, not that there are a plethora of female Muppets to choose from.

Abby Cadabby seems appropriate after all, since she is three year old fairy in training AND can speak the language Dragonfly. Who wouldn’t choose her with a catch phrase like “That’s so magical!”

Zoe is pretty cool too though. She wears a tutu, and has been featured in ‘Zoe’s Dance Moves’, and has a pet rock named Rocco. When I was little I did have a pet ant named Anty, so maybe Zoe is me, Muppetfied.

After some long, hard, soul searching I’ve made my decision…I would be Zoe. I’ve always wanted to be a ballet dancer. Plus Zoe was originally cast unclothed except for jewelry and barrettes. Which is something I would do.

Find out which Muppet you are:

http://quizilla.teennick.com/quizzes/102732/what-muppet-are-you

I need to purchase The Muppets Green Album.

I have always had a thing for puppets. When I was younger I had a dream of becoming a Vantriloquist. Two of my prized posessions when I was a kid were two vantroloquist dolls. Lester and Howdy Doody. I am sure I still have them at home.

I loved lesters glasses.

And Howdy's Freckles:

I never mastered the ability to talk with my mouth shut.

I can't wait until it is cold enough to order a hot chocolate and walk around the bookstore.

"Life's like a movie, write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending."
-Jim Henson

Even super heroes have bad days.

"In the dictionary, next to the word stress, there is a picture of a midsize mutant stuck inside a dog crate, wondering if her destiny is to be killed or to save the world. Okay, not really. But there should be."

Week of September 21 per Rob Brezney:

Punk musician Wesley Willis was fond of greeting friends and audience members alike with a headbutt. So prolific was he in employing this ritual that he developed a permanent callus on his forehead. Now would be an excellent time for you to make this tradition your own, Sagittarius. Just think of all the affection you'll generate and all the great conversations you'll stimulate by ramming people! JUST KIDDING! I was exaggerating a bit. It's true that now is an excellent time to ramp up your friendliness and expand your social reach. But you probably shouldn't engage in full-tilt headbutting unless you're extroverted, gregarious, and so extravagantly charming you can get away with it.

Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit. Why not go in search of those things?

I'm in the mood for tater tots.

Live life the way you picture it.

I could definetly go for one of these right now....

This is one of my goals in life, to go here: http://ifeellikecrepe.com/

Sooo, I didnt exactly spend International Talk Like a Pirate Day the way I would have liked to. But I suppose I could celebrate this weekend and make something like this:

Alright. I'll be realistic. Something like this:

"Cakes have gotten a bad rap. People equate virtue with turning down dessert. There is always one person at the table who holds up her hand when I serve the cake. No, really, I couldn’t she says, and then gives her flat stomach a conspiratorial little pat. Everyone who is pressing a fork into that first tender layer looks at the person who declined the plate, and they all think, that person is better than I am. That person has discipline. But that isn’t a person with discipline; that is a person who has completely lost touch with joy. A slice of cake never made anybody fat. You don’t eat the whole cake. You don’t eat a cake every day of your life. You take the cake when it is offered because the cake is delicious. You have a slice of cake and what it reminds you of is someplace that’s safe, uncomplicated, without stress. A cake is a party, a birthday, a wedding. A cake is what’s served on the happiest days of your life....so, of course, if sides are to be taken, I will always take the side of cake."
-Jeanne Ray


This wall plays music when it rains, which I think is awesome.

Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad habit. Despair is lazy. Joy is fascinating. Love is an act of heroic genius. Pleasure is our birthright. Receptivity is a superpower.

Even super heroes have bad days.

Not a lot to say tonight.

“And yet and yet - the last secret of the tree of codes is that nothing can ever reach a definite conclusion. Nowhere as much as there do we feel possibilities shaken by the nearness of realization. The atmosphere becomes possibilities and we shall wander and make a thousand mistakes. We shall wander along yet not be able to understand.”  
-Jonathan Safran Foer

Epic Fail Imminent

"Emotions, in my experience, aren't covered by single words. I don't believe in "sadness," "joy," or "regret." Maybe the best proof that the language is patriarchal is that it oversimplifies feeling. I'd like to have at my disposal complicated hybrid emotions, Germanic train-car constructions like, say, "the happiness that attends disaster." Or: "the disappointment of sleeping with one's fantasy." I'd like to show how "intimations of mortality brought on by aging family members" connects with "the hatred of mirrors that begins in middle age." I'd like to have a word for "the sadness inspired by failing restaurants" as well as for "the excitement of getting a room with a minibar." I've never had the right words to describe my life, and now that I've entered my story, I need them more than ever. "

For the week of September 15th:
Every one of us is born with up to 150 new mutations that make us different from both of our parents. Most of those genetic alterations are neutral in their effects. Some are negative and a few may be beneficial. I bring this to your attention, Sagittarius, because you're entering a phase when it's possible to take more advantage of your positive mutations than you ever have before. Can you guess what they are? Try to, because you're primed to tap in to their fuller potential.

What exactly are you looking for? How would you describe the experiences you want more than anything else?

Your heart is your backbone and if it wants something, despite difficulty, it will. Take a chance, an adventure for the things you’ll discover, about the world, but more importantly, about yourself. Take a breath and jump. Throw yourself into it. Because yes, you might fail. But you also might not. Risks can be the most beautiful thing in the world, they change you, they can alter you, and they can definitely, definitely, be worth it.

“Curiosity, especially intellectual inquisitiveness, is what separates the truly alive from those who are merely going through the motions.”

-Tom Robbins

Dreaming, afterall, is a form of planning.

Do you love bacon? Do you send a lot of mail via USPS?

Then this is for you:

MMMvelopes-

"Technology has given us a lot lately. The car. TV. X-rays. The refrigerator. The Internet. Heck, we even cured polio. But what have our envelopes tasted like for the last 4,000 years? Armpit, that’s what.

Really, people? If we can’t overcome this kind of minor technical challenge, it’s only a matter of time until some super-advanced race of aliens with lasers, spaceships and a delicious federal mail system comes down and colonizes the world. And nobody wants that (except for the aliens, of course).

So, after thousands of years and kajillions of horrible tasting envelopes licked, we’re happy to report that J&D’s Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopes™ are here to save the day. No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead.

That’s right, bacon. It’s not real bacon, mind you, so you won’t have to start storing your envelopes in the refrigerator. But it really does taste like bacon. Which is what you really wanted in the first place, isn’t it? And it only took us 4,000 years to get there. Eat that, alien invaders."

You can buy them here (with an assortment of other bacon goodness, if you're into that sorta thing): http://mmmvelopes.com/

“Our lives are not as limited as we think they are; the world is a wonderfully weird place; consensual reality is significantly flawed; no institution can be trusted, but love does work; all things are possible; and we all could be happy and fulfilled if we only had the guts to be truly free and the wisdom to shrink our egos and quit taking ourselves so damn seriously.” -Tom Robbins

If your not into bacon. Surf Etsy. Here are some of the gems you can find for sale at Etsy.com: a toy pig made from a root beer can; a "juicy enchanted pouch" for holding runes; a handmade hornet's nest; a stuffed feral goat fashioned to resemble a unicorn; fake tapeworms that are actually spray-painted fettuccine; and a "haunted Ouija board Las Vegas casino-style blackjack roulette poker chip."

I was so excited for about 12 hours, because I checked my course schedule for my upcoming classes, and it said I was currently scheduled for a Direct Study. Meaning, I would not have to attend a four hour class every Wednesday for the next six weeks. Then I checked my 'future courses' and I have a class listed for 9/14/11. SO not only do I have to attend a four hour class for the next six weeks, I ALSO get to take another course on top of that. Double neat.

Oh what's that you tell me Michaela? It's an 8 week class?! Triple neat!!

Epic Fail Imminent- Impending failure of monumental proportions. Being told this phrase can only mean one thing: there is absolutely zero chance of any victory. There is only complete and utter conquest and slaughter.

On that note. I think it's time for bed.

My work here is done.

"I am still every age that I have been. Because I was once a child, I am always a child. Because I was once a searching adolescent, given to moods and ecstasies, these are still part of me, and always will be... This does not mean that I ought to be trapped or enclosed in any of these ages...the delayed adolescent, the childish adult, but that they are in me to be drawn on; to forget is a form of suicide... Far too many people misunderstand what *putting away childish things* means, and think that forgetting what it is like to think and feel and touch and smell and taste and see and hear like a three-year-old or a thirteen-year-old or a twenty-three-year-old means being grownup. When I'm with these people I, like the kids, feel that if this is what it means to be a grown-up, then I don't ever want to be one. Instead of which, if I can retain a child's awareness and joy,  then I will really learn what it means to be grownup."
-Madeleine L'Engle



Have you ever wet the bed?
When I was a Sophmore in high school I had a dream that I finally found a bathroom, and I was more than happy to finally releive myself. Then I woke up midstream. It was a turning point in my life. Now whenever I have the slightest urge to use the restroom while sleeping, I wake up. Then I usually have a snack and return to bed.

But I have been doing a lot better about not munching in the middle of the night.
That sounds gross. Onto more important and equally inappropriate things...

Unintentionally sexual church signs:



www.nationalpunctuationday.com

September 24, 2011

I plan on making punctuation cookies. Who wants to join me?

Perhaps I can have my class make edible sentences. Just an idea.

Another reason to celebrate, Lisa Hannigan releases her new album, "Passenger", September 20th!

Just in case you need a reason to love her, watch this:



I can only imagine the embarrasment of  the lady in front of me at Walgreens. What is worse than checking out with a liter of Vagisal? Getting stuck in line for a prolonged period of time with said liter of Vagisal in hand.

I am one of the searchers.
There are, I believe, millions of us.
We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content.
We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret.
We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand.
We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty.
We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well.
Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter.
To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know -
unless it be to share our laughter.
We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide.
Most of all we love and want to be loved.
We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls;
that will take us for what little we have to give.
We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.
For wanderers, dreamers, and lovers, for lonely men and women who dare to ask of life everything good and beautiful.
It is for those who are too gentle to live among wolves.

 James Kavanaugh

Wasting time is an important part of living.

“Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn’t be one of them.”

And now for my favorite part of Wednesday night class...drum roll please.....
Free Will Horoscope brought to you by Rob Brezney!

The beauty contests in Saudi Arabia don't judge women on the basis of their physical appearance. A recent winner, Aya Ali al-Mulla, was crowned "Queen of Beautiful Morals" without ever revealing the face and form shrouded beneath her black head-to-toe garment. Instead, her excellence emerged during a series of psychological and social tests that evaluated her strength of character and service to family and society. I'd like to borrow this idea and apply it to you. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you could and should be a paragon of moral beauty in the coming week -- a shining example and inspiration to all the other signs of the zodiac.

Book shelf porn!
http://bookshelfporn.com/

This is what I will do when this day is over:

What's that you're saying there? Oh well
Rain rushing window pane
Can't see what space I'm in, oh well
But I'm safe inside me here, oh well      

I say we practice taking everything less seriously and less personally and less literally.

If you're typical, your natural curiosity was virtually extinguished at an early age by mediocre teachers, boring lessons, and oppressive classrooms. Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if your imagination hadn't been squelched? What interesting adventures might you have sought out if your natural love of learning hadn't been crushed?

Let's launch a quest to undo the damage. Imagine I've handed you an undiploma: your official release from the soul-death of your formal education; the beginning of the healing of your wounded love of learning.

Just to make sure you are reading up on your Pirate Lingo for "International Talk-Like-A-Pirate-Day" (TLAP Day)

• Beauty – The best possible pirate address for a woman. Always preceded by “me,” as in, “C’mere, me beauty,” or even, “me buxom beauty,” to one particularly well endowed. You’ll be surprised how effective this is.

• Bilge rat – The bilge is the lowest level of the ship. It’s loaded with ballast and slimy, reeking water. A bilge rat, then, is a rat that lives in the worst place on the ship. On TLAP Day – A lot of guy humor involves insulting your buddies to prove your friendship. It’s important that everyone understand you are smarter, more powerful and much luckier with the wenches than they are. Since bilge rat is a pretty dirty thing to call someone, by all means use it on your friends.

• Bung hole – Victuals on a ship were stored in wooden casks. The stopper in the barrel is called the bung, and the hole is called the bung hole. That’s all. It sounds a lot worse, doesn’t it? On TLAP Day – When dinner is served you’ll make quite an impression when you say, “Well, me hearties, let’s see what crawled out of the bung hole.” That statement will be instantly followed by the sound of people putting down their utensils and pushing themselves away from the table. Great! More for you!

• Grog – An alcoholic drink, usually rum diluted with water, but in this context you could use it to refer to any alcoholic beverage other than beer, and we aren’t prepared to be picky about that, either. Call your beer grog if you want. We won’t stop you! Water aboard ship was stored for long periods in slimy wooden barrels, so you can see why rum was added to each sailor’s water ration – to kill the rancid taste.

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/howto.html
It can be translated into Dutch, if you so desire.

In othernews….. I’d like to throw a hail mary out there to the parents of this kid. WILL YOU ADOPT ME?

And here is what I spent the last half an hour doing:

I always thought Rogue had it good - she didn't have to rely on one polarizing power but could sample everyone else's at will. I guess there was that pesky residual voices-in-your-head thing, but I already talk to myself, so not an issue.

I'd have the power to look at pictures of holiday destinations and in a blink of an eye be there. Not quite saving lives, but saving me from days just not going my way!


"I can believe anything, provided that it's quite incredible." -Oscar Wilde

One dollar away from world domination.

"I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery—air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, "This is what it is to be happy."              
-Sylvia Plath

You're an all-star on Monday, and whatever you put your mind to is a shoo-in. Around Tuesday and Wednesday, it's your unique approach that wins you bonus points -- and hearts! When it comes to romance, let others go the red-roses route; you've got different, more original, better ideas. Then pick up some new concepts from other sources -- people, books, art, blogs and more -- on Thursday and Friday. Your own thinking can expand exponentially now. This weekend, to call you absentminded would be putting it mildly; try to keep your wits about you!        

Camping was a blast. Blue Ridge Resevoir may have been the prettiest place I have seen in Arizona thus far. I forgot how much I missed the smell of pine, and trees in general. It was nice to get out, and get away. And to end it all on a high note, we had a Girltalk glowstick rave.


It may, or may not have, looked similar to this:

Just a little Pirate history: http://www.cracked.com/article_19353_the-7-most-terrifying-pirates-from-history.html

Life is short, and opportunities are rare and we have to be vigilant in protecting them. And not only the opportunities to succeed, but the opportunity to laugh, to see the enchantment in the world, and to live.

Vanessa: "I think later we should have a burping contest. You know, I won a burping contest in third grade, I was really good. I didnt really have a neck. Well... I still dont."

How do I become a cast member at Disneyland?
Maybe this is the answer: http://corporate.disney.go.com/auditions/index.html
Except all the people on the home page look way too happy for me.

I have mellowed out a ton over the last two or so years, this might be because I keep to myself much more than I used to. Unfortunately, being an asshole is like riding a bike and because I am now around people 24/7, it is becoming a lot harder to not talk shit. But really, I'm the nicest asshole you'll ever meet.

She kept watching the words.

“If there's any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed, but who cares, really? The answer must be in the attempt.”
-Celine (Before Sunrise)

After two nights spent in a tent I returned home with the goal of doing absolutely nothing. Unfortunately that's pretty much impossible so I did as little as possible. There was of course breathing, keeping the blood flowing through my veins, and maintaining the normal bodily functions but other than that, I planted myself on the couch to watch some television. What fabulous form of entertainment awaited me? Absolutely nothing. Fantastic. Direct TV you piss me off.

Another note about camping. The stars were brighter than I had seen them since I have lived here. I saw 'The Big Dipper', it reminded me of home.

"Before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which most people give up. It’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one "dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon."

The modern adventurer's weapon of choice

"Driving east, I'm not sure what we're running from. Evie or the police of Mr. Baxter or the Rhea sisters. Or nobody. Or the future. Fate. Growing up, getting old. Picking up the pieces. As if by running we won't have to get on with our lives."           
-Chuck Palahniuk

Of all the tribes of the zodiac, Sagittarius is most skilled at not trying too hard. That isn't to say that you're lazy or lax. What I mean is that when it's time for you to up the ante and push toward your goal with more force and determination, you know how to cultivate a sense of spaciousness. You've got an innate knack for maintaining at least a touch of cool while immersed in the heat of the struggle. Even when the going gets tough, you can find oases of rejuvenating ease. In the coming week, I suggest you make an extra effort to draw on these capacities. You will need them more than usual.
You can learn to be lucky. It's not a mystical force you're born with, but a habit you can develop. How? For starters, be open to new experiences, trust your gut wisdom, expect good fortune, see the bright side of challenging events, and master the art of maximizing serendipitous opportunities
http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/


Things I know for sure:
-Don't put aluminum in the microwave.
- It's better to be over dressed than under dressed
- Actions speak louder than words
- You know whats best for you, the hardest part is following it
- Pace yourself
- The most rewarding things in life are hard to attain
- Happiness is in the small things
- Time is your most valuable asset

Because this is coming up, and I am excited:

My feet are cold. I know they keep these classrooms frigid just to keep us awake.

Hah, this made me giggle: www.verbal-vomit.com/2011/03/how-to-be-hipster-chapter-1.html

"You couldn't just pick and choose at will when someone depended on you, or loved you. It wasnt like a light switch, easy to turn on or off. If you were in, you were in. Out, you were out."              
-Sarah Dessen

"Shiver me Timberlands! You've soaked your peg-leg and lost an eye-patch--you're one wet bandana away from helpless wench territory. But you're swashbuckling on! Why? You've remembered to sling a Pirate Umbrella under your knickers and you're ready for hell and high water.

The modern adventurer's weapon of choice, this rain-deflecting saber is sure to intimidate treasure-raiding rogues and impress seafaring mistresses in one fell swoop. Plus, its weather-busting shield is ideal for keeping stolen jewelry shiny and dread-locked hair in place.

But now that you've braved the elements, why not stay inside, cozy up to your hostage and enjoy some grog? "

www.uncommongoods.com/jewelry-accessories/travel/umbrellas
Think this Pirate Umbrella comes in red? Maybe they will custom make one for me, and emboroider it with my pirate name.

Live in the moment, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.

Music speaks volumes, when words leave you speechless.