—Chuck Palahuniuk
She was a girl that spoke her mind, never played games and acted confident when she could barely stand looking in the mirror. She didn't gloat of her achievements, or tell of them even though she had made many. She lived in mistakes, in past regrets, and she's just beginning to realize that sometimes, you can't change things. That you can't go back in the past and sometimes, you just have to move on because life's too short to dwell on the unchangeable.
This is how I felt Saturday morning:
To my surprise I did not vomit. But I did have a splitting headache. Go figure.
Over thinking ruins everything.
She stole my look:
Questions I often ask myself:
1. If magic can regrow bones and fix teeth, why can’t it correct vision?
2. If I had to choose a TV show that most applied to my life, which one would it be?
3. Do I see myself the way other people see me?
4. Can you cry underwater?
5. If mars had earthquakes, would they be called marsquakes?
6. Why do I continually return to the refrigerator in hopes that something new has materialized?
7. If the plural of tooth is "teeth", why isn't the plural of booth, "beeth"?
Why am I awake at 6:30am on a Sunday morning? Oh, because I went to bed at 10pm on a Saturday night.
Camping would be so much better in a tent like this:
I wish I could say that I am surprised that Amy Whinehouse was found dead in her apartment.
Authenticity is key.
I'm living in separate universes and I have no idea where I actually belong.
She’s been everybody else’s girl maybe one day she’ll be her own.
Another annoyance in life is girls with low self-esteem. I can let it slide if you are 11-16, because you are probably kind of ugly at this point in time (well, i was.) and you are just constantly thinking stupid, selfish, unnecessarily dramatic things about every aspect of your life. So go ahead, hate the way you look. You will realize how dumb you were during this age eventually. As a general rule, however, I feel like it's sort of disrespectful to constantly nitpick your appearance when you are anatomically normal and your body performs all of its required functions with ease. Because there are people who are less fortunate and have, like, five faces with no eyes or mermaid legs. Those afflictions, my friends, are things you can legitimately feel bad about.
Women who get down on themselves for not looking as good as a Victoria's Secret model when clothed only in underwear should consider the following:
1) Those women have been genetically blessed to be more attractive than everybody else. that is why they are paid millions of dollars for hanging out in their bras.
2) They photoshop those pictures, anyway. and while I'm sure that Giselle Bundchen looks pretty good naked in real life, she probably looks even better after those photos are edited.
3) Those girls probably never get to eat carbs and have to exercise all the time. That sounds like such a fucking drag. I would say that if you are eating pasta and are not on a grueling workout schedule, you don't really have a right to complain about not having the trimmest of physiques. Am I rite?
And of course, at times, I too am guilty of this. It's the human condition.
And this leads me to another question that I think a lot about. Do people see me, the way I see me? Illusory Superiority:
"Illusory superiority is a cognitive bias that causes people to overestimate their positive qualities and abilities and to underestimate their negative qualities, relative to others. This is evident in a variety of areas including intelligence, performance on tasks or tests, and the possession of desirable characteristics or personality traits. It is one of many positive illusions relating to the self, and is a phenomenon studied in social psychology. Illusory superiority is often referred to as the above average effect."
I understand that this is most likely a human defense mechanism. Afterall, who is going to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself? But it also makes me wonder if this is what I need to remind myself of when Im at the mall and say, "what the hell was she thinking when she walked out of the house like that?". Perhaps she or he, saw something other than what I see. This also scares me, and reminds me, that people may look at me and say the exact same thing.
I will conceitedly admit that I have often thought of myself as "above average". I'm not sure how I came to this conclusion, except that maybe I have taken other people's compliments a little too seriously.I know I have my flaws, for sure, but when I measure them according to the flaws of others (bitch I know), I somehow feel like I have less. But maybe me judging myself in relationship to other people shows that I actually do not consider myself above average.
It's just that at times, especially by the pool, or in other locations where women are scantily clad, I try to find the girl who may or may not look the most like me. Or I try to assess what others may see when they look at me. It's weird. But Im human, and I just want to know what other people truly see when they look at me.
I have been told I look like the following people:
Demi Lovato: I can see the resemblance in the chimple and the dark hair....
And Vanessa Hudgens....Again, dark hair...round face. Thats.about.it.
Someone also told me once that I looked like Snooki. Ummm....I hope not.
So, the question remains valid. How do other people see us?
Last night I really wished it was raining. I wanted to drink hot chocolate and have a slice of warm pie. Any kind would do.
"I believe in low lights and trick mirrors."
- Andy Warhol
- Andy Warhol
On to more awesome things, yesterday was National Hotdog Day!
Something I dont understand is this: at 26, why am I still having break outs?
"To know one’s own state is not a simple matter. One cannot look directly at one’s own face with one’s own eyes, for example. One has no choice but to look at one’s reflection in the mirror. Through experience, we come to believe that the image is correct, but that is all."
—Haruki Mirakami
It's amazing how fast life passes and changes. There are many memories I miss. Mostly from my girls, because I really dont have any girlfriends anymore. Here were some goodtimes:
I had a dream last night that Sonja (far left) was beginning her own reality television show.
Jennifer is married. Kim is married and prego.
And he was just on "Americas Got Talent".
Something happened and we all grew up.
You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they are happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted.
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You learn that loving doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security, and you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. After a while you learn to build all your dreams on today because tomorrows ground is to uncertain for dreams, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn to accept your defeats with your head held with the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child. After a while you learn to plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really are strong, that you really do have self worth, and you can endure.
"He wanted to live life in such a way that if a photograph were taken at random, it would be a cool photograph."
-David Nichols (One Day)
I want to spend Sunday like this:
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