I've never found the right words

Sagittarius horoscope for the week of April 11^th:  

"It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness," writes novelist Chuck Palahniuk. "We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace." Your assignment in the coming days, Sagittarius, is to prove Palahniuk wrong. As the surges of sweetness flow through you, as your secret joy ripens into bright blooming bliss, imprint the sensations on your memory. Vow to remember them for the rest of your life. Make these breakthrough moments into talismans that will serve as magical spells whenever you need rejuvenation in the future. (http://www.freewillastrology.com )

I’m pretty excited because I get to go to an emotional intelligence conference and certification this month. The goal is to learn how to integrate emotional intelligence into curriculum in order to teach kids how to recognize, explore, and handle their feelings.

"I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them." –Oscar Wilde

Emotional intelligence represents an ability to validly reason with emotions and to use emotions to enhance thought.

Emotional intelligence refers to an ability to recognize the meanings of emotion and their relationships, and to reason and problem-solve on the basis of them. Emotional intelligence is involved in the capacity to perceive emotions, assimilate emotion-related feelings, understand the information of those emotions, and manage them.

Many adults also feel uncomfortable or out-of-touch with their emotions. We aren’t explicitly taught coping mechanisms for the way we are feeling, who to talk to, and what feelings mean. Many times our anxiety related to emotions manifests itself into problems that affect our thoughts, activities, and actions on a daily basis; especially if these emotions are suppressed. 

"I feel too much. That's what's going on.' 'Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel in the wrong ways?' 'My insides don't match up with my outsides.' 'Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?' 'I don't know. I'm only me.' 'Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and outside.' 'But it's worse for me.' 'I wonder if everyone thinks it's worse for him.' 'Probably. But it really is worse for me." –Jonathan Safran Foer

Window Eating- The act of standing in front of a refrigerator with the door open for an over-excessive amount of time and then closing the door without taking anything. Usually done by picky eaters or one who is bored out of his/her mind. (www.urbandictionary.com )

Window eating makes me anxious.

I have always been an overly emotional person. At times this has been one of my greatest weaknesses, but also one of my greatest strengths.

"If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your heard even, you experience them fully and completely." –Mitch Albom

And at times, maybe I dove in too deep.

"I love people. Everybody. I love them, I think, as a stamp collector loves his collection. Every story, every incident, every bit of conversation is raw material for me. My love's not impersonal yet not wholly subjective either. I would like to be everyone, a cripple, a dying man, a whore, and then come back to write about my thoughts, my emotions, as that person. But I am not omniscient. I have to live my life, and it is the only one I'll ever have. And you cannot regard your own life with objective curiosity all the time..." –Sylvia Plath

I have always been a person who has struggled with managing my anxiety. I have significantly improved as I have gotten older; but, I have always been one to worry about things that I cannot control. In college I was so out of touch with how to deal with my anxiety that I literally holed up, quit my job, stopped going to class, and experienced a prolonged panic-attack of sorts. 

"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown" –H.P. Lovecraft

Looking back if I had been more in touch with these feelings, I would have handled life a lot better. I must say, I believe I was very similar in high school; but, it’s much easier to hole up and sleep all the time when parents are providing all the food and shelter. 

"Music touches us emotionally, where words alone can't." –Johnny Depp

"Emotions, in my experience, aren't covered by single words. I don't believe in "sadness," "joy," or "regret." Maybe the best proof that the language is patriarchal is that it oversimplifies feeling. I'd like to have at my disposal complicated hybrid emotions, Germanic train-car constructions like, say, "the happiness that attends disaster." Or: "the disappointment of sleeping with one's fantasy." I'd like to show how "intimations of mortality brought on by aging family members" connects with "the hatred of mirrors that begins in middle age." I'd like to have a word for "the sadness inspired by failing restaurants" as well as for "the excitement of getting a room with a minibar." I've never had the right words to describe my life, and now that I've entered my story, I need them more than ever. "
-Jeffrey Eugenides 

 To learn more visit: www.6seconds.org

Let your better be your best

Sagittarius horoscope (courtesy of Rob Brezny):

"Everyone is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day," said writer Elbert Hubbard. "Wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit." Judging from my personal experience, I'd say that five minutes is a lowball figure. My own daily rate is rarely less than half an hour. But the good news as far as you're concerned, Sagittarius, is that in the coming weeks you might have many days when you're not a damn fool for even five seconds. In fact, you may break your all-time records for levels of wild, pure wisdom. Make constructive use of your enhanced intelligence! 

Happy Birthday to one of my favorite fairy tale writers Hans Christian Andersen!

"Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale."

-Hans Christian Andersen

 

“The true secret to happiness lies in the taking in a genuine interest in all the details of life.”

-William Morris

I have been neglecting my poor blog for too long. Looking back through previous posts, even as far back as when I first started this particular incarnation of my blog, I get nostalgic for the times when I used to write far more often…

In related news, when I look back at previous photos of myself, I get nostalgic for the times when I used to work out for more often. I’ve been trying since I graduated college to hold myself physically accountable. I was lucky in my younger years (high school, college) that I had coaches pushing me along, motivating me, and making me condition.  I am not personally motivated to kick my own ass.

I have never strived to be the best at anything. In school I always did well but was never in the top of my class. In cheerleading I was really good, but never the most outstanding member of any squad.

“On the whole, tho’ I never arrived at the Perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet as I was by the Endeavor a better and a happier Man than I otherwise should have been, if I had not attempted it.” –Benjamin Franklin

The prior also applies to my professional life. I meet people all the time that have grand plans of where they see themselves in ten years; a vision of being the dean of a college, the CEO of a large corporation, or making enough money to own a jet and fly all over the world... that is not me. People often ask what I want to do when I finish my Masters Degree, and the answer is the same, I want to be doing what I am doing right now… I want to be a better classroom teacher.

Sure, this may change. Life changes, dreams change. But if I consulted the girl who was asked what her dream was when she was ten… she would say she’s livin’ the dream right now.

“Each period of life has its own atmosphere, its own flavor, yet in the past, I failed to appreciate each stage as it was unfolding.” –Gretchen Rubin

I remember back to my goat farm days. My siblings and I use to show our animals in the state fair. (Just to give some background you show a goat in much of the same way you show a dog). At the time I had a goat named “Bambi”. I loved Bambi. But she was a train wreck. Everything about Bambi was wrong…EVERYTHING. Bambi had poor showmanship qualities; she was fat, refused to walk next to me, had deformed ears, and a miss-attached udder. Most people would have hid her in a barn or chopped her up as chevon. But I insisted… insisted on walking my distorted goat around the state fair arena for everyone to see… because I never cared about winning. SHE was the goat I was going to show, no debates. I loved Bambi, I wanted to get some kind of ribbon (albeit participation), with her, and that was all that mattered.

I have never been the smartest, fastest, savviest, wittiest, or strongest person in any room. I suppose, the vast majority of us are never any of these things, but sometimes I sense that I might be more content with this than most. I am happy with myself and always try to do my best, but I have just never tried to be better than someone else’s best… This, of course, is both a blessing and a curse.

But, I feel like I am pretty awesome regardless…

Now if someone could just purchase me a pillow like this:

“You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I'll be waiting." Tinkerbell says that to Peter Pan in J.M. Barrie's famous story. Sometime soon, I think you should whisper words like those to a person or animal you love. It's time for you to be as romantic and lyrical as possible. You need to bestow and attract the nourishment that comes from expressing extravagant tenderness. For even better results, add this sweetness from French poet Paul Valéry: "I am what is changing secretly in you." And try this beauty from Walt Whitman: "We were together. I forget the rest."

And I am left with a cheer from my good ole cheer days...

 

"Good better best, better  than the rest, let your good be your better and your better be your best"