Sometimes laughter and clowns are not appropriate.

"It was time to expect more of myself. Yet as I thought about happiness, I kept running up against paradoxes. I wanted to change myself but accept myself. I wanted to take myself less seriously -- and also more seriously. I wanted to use my time well, but I also wanted to wander, to play, to read at whim. I wanted to think about myself so I could forget myself. I was always on the edge of agitation; I wanted to let go of envy and anxiety about the future, yet keep my energy and ambition." 

-Gretchen Rubin

To remember what’s important, step out of your life, take the long view, and then feel how good it is to come home.

My newest addiction is Pinterest. I’m in need of a Pintervention.

 ‘Nibble’ is a funny word, or any variation, such as nibbler, nibbling, nibbles.

Happy Dirty Book Day! On June 11, 1959 D.H. Lawrence’s racy novel “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” was banned by U.S. postmaster General Arthur E. Summerfield. This began a heated censorship controversy. June 11^th has been banned “Dirty Book Day” ever since. Shockingly I am sure girls all over the world will be celebrating with Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele. Ugh. Although I don’t agree with book banning, If you want porn there are better ways of finding it.

 “Christian Grey is a 27-year-old ginger who likes white wine and using emoticons in e-mails and refuses to use contractions when he speaks. Anastasia Steele, sounded like Speedracer, mostly because she's always shouting her catchphrase, "Holy crap!" At 21, she's never given a blow job, but when she does, instinctively knows to use lots of teeth.  Fifty Shades dispenses with the supernatural plotline but also the main erotic draw of the Twilight books: the fact that the characters can't or won't have sex. Unencumbered by Mormon sexual ethics, pacing, or a YA classification, E.L. James is free to get straight to the “action”.

Here is why the f*#@ing is not very sexy:

The Prose: I'm sorry. I know, it's soft porn, and it's not there to better us. But the advantage of erotic fiction over a DVD of I Can't Believe I Ate the Whole Team is that books will always at least FEEL more high-minded than movies. Besides, there are ways to write sex well. This is not that. This is like Tom Wolfe–bad sex scenes but punctuated by non-sex scenes that are gut-wrenchingly awful.

The Dialogue: As has been noted, our heroine Anastasia Steele begins most of her sentences with "Holy crap!" People say "shall" a lot and "fetch" things instead of get them. When Christian Grey "rips through" Anastasia's virginity, she actually says "Argh!" like Jon finding out that Garfield has once again shredded the curtains.

The Characters: It's evident that we're dealing with thinly veiled Twilight characters here. Fifty Shade's proxy for Stephenie Meyer's Jacob is a photography student named (wait for it) Jose. It's fun, because E.L. James is about as conversant with Latino culture as she is with BDSM. Jose likes to grope women when he's loaded on margaritas and begins every sentence with "Dios mio!" I only wish I were around for that brainstorming sesh: "Hmmm … Native American werewolf … Mexican … American … art student?" Also, Christian is a gorgeous 27-year-old (okay) "tycoon" (hahahaha, double "okay") who never seems to do any work, but he also doesn't bang models or do drugs. Disbelief unsuspended.

The Technology: I don't mean the fact that real, free, actually sexy porn and literature is available literally everywhere. Fifty Shades of Grey takes place in 2011 but is loaded with anachronism. Anastasia is a college student who doesn't have a computer or a smartphone. (And is a beautiful sex positive feminist virgin, but I guess we're letting that one slide.) In one scene, Christian tracks her down to a club by, uh, GPSing her cell. He flies a helicopter too? And has a butler? Oh! And at one point, the hip young kids all groove down to Kings of Leon.

The Kink: I get that this is supposed to be BDSM Lite for people with Aztec-pattern Kindle Fire covers, but the ideas about "alternative lifestyle" sex are kind of hilarious. It's like it was all filtered through that sexually precocious but ultimately clueless friend from Catholic elementary school: Oh, yeah, S&M is all burgundy leather dungeons and sub-dom contracts. Also, if you spray Mountain Dew in your vagina after sex you won't get pregnant.

I'm not going to condemn Fifty Shades of Grey because it's fan fiction, I'm not even going to condemn it because I've seen better storytelling in an evening news segment. What I do take issue with is that an author is making money off of people who are too technologically illiterate to find GOOD porn out there and are getting stuck with this nonsense instead because it's the one part of Computers they can't just ask a nephew about.

I guess if you've managed to familiarize yourself with your e-reader but not YouPorn, well-written erotica, or your own body, congratulations on "finding" Fifty Shades of Grey … but also for going one more day without stumbling into a zoo enclosure. Up top.”

Great Review courtesy of :

http://www.vulture.com/2012/04/fifty-shades-of-grey-the-thinking-womans-guide.html

Other complaints include: the literal cover art, the overuse of the words "inner goddess" and subconscious, the tampon removal scene = not sexy.

 Now that I got the negative out.

I have seemed to skip a couple months of my own personal “Happiness Project”, but I’ll attempt to get back on track this month. With that being said, although I veered off course several times since April, I have successfully lost 10 pounds, abandoned the happy pills, decreased my carnivorous ways, and feel much more like “me”. 

July: Think Positive

Thinking positively is something I have been working on a lot lately, and have gotten much better at the last few years. I use to be quite the ‘glass half empty’ kinda girl. My thought process went like this: If I always expect the worst, then I will always be surprised when good things happen.  However, the wisdom that comes with age has derailed this justification and I really do believe that attitude is everything. Good things are gonna happen, bad things are gonna happen; but I can make the good things great, and the bad things better by changing my point of view.

 “Part of positive psychology is about being positive, but sometimes laughter and clowns are not appropriate. Some people don't want to be happy, and that's okay. They want meaningful lives, and those are not always the same as happy lives.” –Eric Weiner (The Geography of Bliss)

So in attempt to be more positive on this 11^th day of July, here is my list of things I love about summer, even in Arizona: barbecues, early morning light, living sockless, the return of Breaking Bad and Damages, braids, food on sticks, ice cold beverages, and summer travels.

“I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” –Audrey Hepburn