Life after fairy tales

"I grew up out of that strange, dreamy childhood of mine and went into the world of reality. I met with experiences that bruised my spirit - but they never harmed my ideal world. That was always mine to retreat into at will. I learned that that world and the real world clashed hopelessly and irreconcilably; and I learned to keep them apart so that the former might remain for me unspoiled. I learned to meet other people on their own ground since there seemed to be no meeting place on mine. I learned to hide the thoughts and dreams and fancies that had no place in the strife and clash of the market place. I found that it was useless to look for kindred souls in the multitude; one might stumble on such here and there, but as a rule it seemed to me that the majority of people lived for the things of time and sense alone and could not understand my other life. So I piped and danced to other people's piping - and held fast to my own soul as best I could."
-L.M. Montgomery

"Once, when I was younger, I thought I could be someone else. I'd move to Casablanca, open a bar, and I'd meet Ingrid Bergman. Or more realistically - whether actually more realistic or not - I'd tune in on a better life, something more suited to my true self. Toward that end, I had to undergo training. I read The Greening of America, and I saw Easy Rider three times. But like a boat with a twisted rudder, I kept coming back to the same place. I wasn't anywhere. I was myself, waiting on the shore for me to return."
-Haruki Mirakami

I have the cutest nephews ever, not braggin, just sayin.

"I'm the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. Just like the Cheshire cat, someday I will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, the kind you see on miserably sad people and villains in Disney movies, will remain behind as an ironic remnant. I am the girl you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who is in fact soon to be gone. When you look at the picture again, I want to assure you, I will no longer be there. I will be erased from history, like a traitor in the Soviet Union. Because with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible..."

–Prozac Nation

"And then there are my friends, and they have their own lives. While they like to talk everything through, to analyze and hypothesize, what I really need, what I'm really looking for, is not something I can articulate. It's nonverbal: I need love. I need the thing that happens when your brain shuts off and your heart turns on.

And I know it's around me somewhere, but I just can't feel it." - Elizabeth Wurtzel

"Maybe that's what it all comes down to. Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all." –Emily Giffin

 

I found three of my old journals while I have been home, and I am looking forward to going through and reading them. Perhaps redicovering just how annoying I was as a tween-teen.

The Environmental Working Group wrote the Meat Eater's Guide to Climate Change and Health. It concluded that if every American avoided eating cheese and meat one day a week, emissions would be lowered as much as they would be by removing 7.6 million cars from the roads. This is the kind of incremental shift I urge you to specialize in during 2012, Sagittarius -- whether it's in your contribution to alleviating the environmental crisis or your approach to dealing with more personal problems. Commit yourself to making little changes that will add up to major improvements over the long haul.

This horoscope is most definetly referring to my unhealthy, unactive lifestyle. Which I plan on making major improvements upon in the coming year. I have always sworn that I would not become one of those women who let themselves go as they get older. Yet, that is what I have become. I am now the heaviest I have ever been (I don't care to disclose the actual numbers), I smoke, and I havent had a consistent workout routine since I moved to Arizona. This has got to stop. Seriously.

 Food makes me happy, but fitting into my jeans comfortably makes me more happy.

That's a pretty good depiction of me.

I am currently in love with the photos in this blog. They are from Dina Goldstein's "Fallen Princess" series.

 Since I love fairy tales, but beleive that they have such an impact on young girls who end up in believing in "happily ever after", I think these photos really capture a realistic interpretation of life after fairy tales.

 

"I can’t quite shake this feeling that we live in a world gone wrong, that there are all these feelings you’re not supposed to have because there’s no reason to anymore. But still they’re there, stuck somewhere, a flaw that evolution hasn’t managed to eliminate yet, like tonsils or an appendix. Deceit and treachery in both romantic and political relationships is nothing new, but at one time, it was bad, callous, and cold to hurt somebody. Now it’s just the way things go, part of the growth process. Really nothing is surprising. After a while, meaning and implication detach themselves from everything.  Pretty soon, it seems unreasonable to be bothered or outraged by much of anything because, well, what did you expect?"  -Prozac Nation

"That's the problem with reality, that's the fallacy of therapy: It assumes that you will have a series of revelations, or even just one little one, and that these various truths will come to you and will change your life completely. It assumes that insight alone is a transformative force. But the truth is, it doesn't work that way. In real life, every day you might come to some new conclusion about yourself and about the reasoning behind your behavior, and you can tell yourself that this knowledge will make all the difference. But in all likelihood, you're going to keep on doing the same old things. You'll still be the same person. You'll still cling to your destructive, debilitating habits because you emotional tie to them is so strong that the stupid things you are really the only things you've got that keep you centered and connected. They are the only things about you that make you you."
-Elizabeth Wurtzel (Prozac Nation)               

To see more of Dina Goldstein's work visit http://www.dinagoldstein.com/

Sing a mumble-gumble song

Harvey Ball was a commercial artist who dreamed up the iconic image of the smiley face. He whipped it out in ten minutes one day in 1963. Unfortunately for him, he didn't trademark or copyright his creation, and as a result made only $45 from it, even as it became an archetypal image used millions of times all over the world. Keep his story in the back of your mind during the coming weeks, Sagittarius. I have a feeling you will be coming up with some innovative moves or original stuff, and I would be sad if you didn't get proper credit and recognition for your work.

http://freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/

I need to make some Christmas cookies.

I'm tempted to abandon this blog right here and instead devote the next 2500 words or less to the pantyhose with the droopy crotch I wore today, but alas….I won’t.



 Each time, you come out of it a little stronger, and at some point you realize that there are more flavors of pain than coffee. There's the little empty pain of leaving something behind - gradutaing, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar and safe into the unknown. There's the big, whirling pain of life upending all of your plans and expecations. There's the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn't give you what you thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up. The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life they grow and learn. There's the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens.

In her book Women Who Run with the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes suggests that we all need to periodically go cheerfully and enthusiastically out of our minds. Make sure, she says, that at least one part of you always remains untamed, uncategorizable, and unsubjugated by routine. Be adamant in your determination to stay intimately connected to all that's inexplicable and mysterious about your life.

At the same time, though, Estes believes you need to keep your unusual urges clear and ordered. Discipline your wildness, in other words, and don't let it degenerate into careless disorder.

I figure if someday I can make a really slamming cake I would be able to open my hippy given gift giving. I mean...how many picture frames/cards/bottles can I get for one person before the charm wears off and I just look cheap?

 However, I have a fear that my cake making skills might fail. I might get to the ingredient buying, but my hobbies tend to be short lived. Not to mention the fact that I have been envious of all cakes I’ve ever encountered in a shop window, and resentful of every sheer coated cake I might see in a shop window. It is intimidating since I would most-likely dip my finger into the newly coated frosting, lick it, and dip it again.

Should a new hobby make you lose sleep? Give you the sweats? Cause you to curse (more than usual)?

And if you're very, very lucky, there are a very few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realized that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time cannot possibly last - and yet will remain with you for life.

Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the dead don't feel it.

"Draw a crazy picture,
Write a nutty poem,
Sing a mumble-gumble song,
Whistle through your comb.
Do a loony-goony dance
'Cross the kitchen floor,
Put something silly in the world
That ain't been there before."

  -Shel Silverstein

I'm loved. I'm secure. I'm productive. I get hugs from children. I walk barefooted on my cold cold floors.

Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't, but either way, it's a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you're alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another." - Jim Butcher

I regret that it takes life, to learn how to live.

"It is a tremendous act of violence to begin anything," said Sagittarian poet Rainer Maria Rilke. "I am not able to begin. I simply skip what should be the beginning." I urge you to consider trying that approach yourself, Sagittarius. Instead of worrying about how to launch your rebirth, maybe you should just dive into the middle of the new life you want for yourself. Avoid stewing interminably in the frustrating mysteries of the primal chaos so you can leap into the fun in full swing.

When you wish, as wishers do

Wish that all your dreams come true

And when you dream, as dreamers will

Dream you have more wishes still

Yes, life sure is funny but I don’t find myself laughing. I rather laugh at the so called reality shows which I mindlessly watch these days. I wish my own real life was as funny, but then I would be on TV not here in my room typing short anecdotes and other bullshit.

I’m as confused as ever about everything. My future, my decisions, my family, my friends, my life; yes just about everything. I hate this feeling of knowing everything and yet not knowing what to do. I know all the possibilities; I know all options, their outcomes and even their probability. Yet I cannot decide what is best for me and what I really want. I hate being like this, yet I always find myself so.

 Week of December 1:
"Dear Mr. Brezsny: My name is Sonny McGee and I own a website that caters to people who are addicted to playing poker. I'm a big fan of your horoscopes, and I'm wondering if you would like to advertise your work to our audience. Gamblers love astrology! Get in touch. - Sagittarian Wheeler Dealer." Dear Wheeler Dealer: Thanks for your interest, but I'll pass. I don't like to encourage anyone to focus their gambling urges on trivial matters like card games, sports events, and lotteries. I prefer they direct that mojo to high-minded stuff like daring themselves to excel, pursuing exciting and idealistic adventures, and doing brave things to help save the world. By the way, it's prime time for you Sagittarians to ratchet up your commitment to those kinds of gambles.
 http://freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/

"One word I would banish from the dictionary is 'escape.' Just banish that and you'll be fine. Because that word has been misused regarding anybody who wanted to move away from a certain spot and wanted to grow. He was an escapist. You know if you forget that word you will have a much easier time. Also you're in the prime, the beginning of your life; you should experiment with everything, try everything.... We are taught all these dichotomies, and I only learned later that they could work in harmony. We have created false dichotomies; we create false ambivalences, and very painful one's sometimes -the feeling that we have to choose. But I think at one point we finally realize, sometimes subconsciously, whether or not we are really fitted for what we try and if it's what we want to do."

-Anais Ninn

For the last day of Brovember I offer you the following pertinent information:

Brofessional- a professional bro. This is a person who excels in party related activity with a professional style. They are good at all things party: i.e. drinking, smoking, dancing, talking to the opposite sex, getting out of situations, etc.

Brotip # 1337- if it takes you longer to think of an abbreviation than it does to type the actual word, it's not worth it.

Brotip #1318- Don't get her number off her profile.

"Why didn't I learn to treat everything like it was the last time. My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future."
- Jonathan Safran Foer

I hope at some point, I get into the Christmas spirit. Last year, my house was decorated, presents were bought, cookies were made, and carols were playing.
Things just wont be the same this year...

"But who can say what's best? That's why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. My experience tells me that we get no more than two or three such chances in a life time, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives."
- Huraki Murakami

"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet."
- Sylvia Plath

I love my horse trough/ hog scalder

"That is what I mean. A bath! The receptacle of porcelain, one turns the taps and fills it, one gets in, one gets out and ghoosh - ghoosh - ghoosh, the water goes down the waste pipe!"
"M. Poirot are you quite mad?"
"No, I am extremely sane."              
-Agatha Christie

Clawfoot Tub History via www.vintagetub.com

Up until the 1800s in the US, most water pipes were made of hollowed trees. Cast iron pipe imported from England had one of its first installations in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. By the early 1800s, cast iron production began domestically in New Jersey. In 1848, the National Public Health Act was passed creating a plumbing code for the US.

Almost simultaneously in 1883, both the Standard Sanitary Manufacturing Company (now American Standard) and Kohler began the process of enameling cast iron bathtubs to form a smooth interior surface. Kohler’s first clawfoot tub was advertised as a “horse trough/hog scalder, when furnished with four legs will serve as a bathtub.” These tubs soon became mass-produced as they were recognized as having an extremely sanitary surface that was easy to clean, thus preventing the spread of bacteria and diseases.

"It's just that...I just think that some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It's the universe's way of providing contrast, you know? There have to be a few holes in the road. It's how life is." -Sarah Dessen

Balneology: The science of baths or bathing, especially the study of the therapeutic use of thermal baths.



“I wish I had not been in a hurry to get on to the next things: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less."
-Anna Quindlen

"Taking one’s chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck."

Rubaduck.com? hah

http://rubaduck.com/FAQ/rubber_duck_faq-part1.htm
Another helpful website: http://www.rubberducks.org.uk/history.php

The exact date of the first rubber duck is unknown, but it is believed to be in the early 1800's. Rubber ducks were first made of hard rubber and did not have a squeak. A traditional rubber duck is yellow. They were first made around the time that other rubber toys were developed.

Rubber ducks became hugely popular in the USA when Ernie (a Muppet from Sesame Street) sang Rubber Duckie. Rubber ducks have achieved iconic status in the USA.

Variations of rubber ducks have developed, including devil ducks, Santa ducks, dead ducks and a range of different coloured rubber ducks.

Rubber ducks have become collectors items. The Guinness World Record for the most rubber ducks is 2,587.

I hope my dreams happen here tonight:

“We can't all be happy, we can't all be rich, we can't all be lucky - and it would be so much less fun if we were... There must be the dark background to show up the bright colours. ”   
-Jean Rhys

Sleepy time.....

Brovember, Bikes, and Birthdays

Seminal psychologist Carl Jung wasn't afraid of applying his scholarly analytical skills to the phenomena of pop culture. Late in life, he even wrote a thoughtful book on UFOs called *Flying Saucers: A Modern Myth of Things Seen in the Skies.* To be as thorough and careful as he could possibly be about such an elusive subject, he wrote an afterword to his main argument, to which he added an epilogue, which in turn was followed by a concluding supplement. I hope that you are as scrupulous in wrapping up loose ends in the coming week, Sagittarius, especially when you're dealing with enigmas and riddles. As you seek resolution and completion, go well beyond the bare minimum.


Lost word of the day:
Phlyarologist: noun -one who talks nonsense

To help save the words visit www.savethewords.org and adopt-a-word.

Traditionally, the Seven Deadly Sins -- actions most likely to wound the soul -- are pride, lust, gluttony, anger, envy, sloth, and covetousness.

But the following are a formulation of actions that may also hurt your soul. They are called the Four Foolish Virtues. They are as follows: (1) being analytical to such extremes that you repress your intuition; (2) sacrificing your pleasure through a compulsive attachment to duty; (3) tolerating excessive stress because you assume it helps you accomplish more; (4) being so knowledgeable that you neglect to be curious.

Check out my early Birthday present!  Isn't she a beauty?!?

I have made the following list of things I would like to do on my new bike:

1. learn how to ride it
2. go on more geocaching adventures
3. pedal down the street to Panda Express instead of drive
4. increase my amount of physical activity
5. lose some weighte:

So, on Thursday I began seeing a therapist. Hey, it can't hurt to try. While I was at my appointment I had to set some goals that I hoped to get out of it. So here they are:

1. Learn how to be more concerned about me, my needs, and what I want, rather than worrying so much about other people.
2. Learn how to trust myself and the decisions I make.

 In other news. It is not only November, my birthday month, it is also the month of Brovember.

Brovember- The eleventh month of the year, formerly known as November.

Brovember is a month dedicated to guys doing "guy things" such as watching football, going fishing, climbing mountains, and grillin.

In honor of Brovember I offer you Bro Tip #1292:
If you feel like something's missing from your outfit, it's probably aviators.

Once upon a Wednesday

In Mongolia there's a famous fossil of two dinosaurs locked in mortal combat. Forever frozen in time, a Velociraptor is clawing a Protoceratops, which in turn is biting its enemy's arm. They've been holding that pose now for, oh, 80 million years or so. I'm shoving this image in your face, Sagittarius, so as to dare you and encourage you to withdraw from your old feuds and disputes. It's a perfect time, astrologically speaking, to give up any struggle that's not going to matter 80 million years from now.

Today Im feeling some Pepper Rabbit- Red Velvet Stereo.


 Nineteen days until...drum roll please....my 27th birthday. I definitely don’t feel any older, and sometimes I feel just as lost as I did at 23.  

We all need people in our lives who recognize the little things about us.

I know my moods well enough to know that when I don't get enough sleep or I am hazy from wine, the voice in my head cannot be trusted. Tomorrow, I know I will be fine. Tomorrow, I will remember that I am happy with my choices. But today, today everything was a bit undone. It was a day that I just had to get through. And it was a busy day, so it went by fast.


 "No, it’s not fair, but what makes earth feel like Hell is our expectation that it should feel like Heaven. Earth is earth. Dead is dead. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough. It won’t help the situation for you to get all upset." 
- Chuck Pahluniak            

I hate being sad. I do not like it. Not on a train. Not on a plane. Not in my house. Not with a mouse.

"
Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. And intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way."              
- Janet Fitch (White Oleander)

Oh, what’s that facebook? I have a 10 year highschool reunion scheduled in the near future? No. Thank. You.

I’m pretty over my social networking phase. Social networking is such a strange mix of the intimate and the untouchable. I understand it because my blog is a prime example. I feel like I can divulge the not-so-nice parts of my personality but I’m not standing up at a party doing it. In fact, if you saw me at a party, I’d probably be tipsy... in a corner... mumbling to myself. How's that for a pretty profile pic?

I think the neighbors are having a fiesta.


Tomorrows Thursday/ Friday....Which I beleive is a pretty good reason to celebrate.

Though it's meant to be sarcastic, it's a useful piece of advice.

"Are wild strawberries really wild? Will they scratch an adult, will they snap at a child? Should you pet them, or let them run free where they roam? Could they ever relax in a steam-heated home? Can they be trained to not growl at the guests? Will a litter box work or would they make a mess? Can we make them a Cowberry, herding the cows, or maybe a Muleberry pulling the plows, or maybe a Huntberry chasing the grouse, or maybe a Watchberry guarding the house, and though they may curl up at your feet oh so sweetly can you ever feel that you trust them completely? Or should we make a pet out of something less scary, like the Domestic Prune or the Imported Cherry, Anyhow, you've been warned and I will not be blamed if your Wild Strawberries cannot be tamed." –Shel Silverstien

The bumper sticker I saw said, "Having abandoned my search for the truth, I'm now looking for a good fantasy." Though it's meant to be sarcastic, it's a useful piece of advice.

A friend of mine once wrote:  
 

"Passion is butterflies of worrying if he loves you as much as you love him and pushing the envelope for impromptu proof.  It is the gross mixture of thankfulness and validation you get when he passes those stupid tests of devotion.  Its thinking you might loose him and worrying about fights you will potentially have when you get to the point of deciding on a dog breed and then fighting about them right then and there.  Passion (in the context of romance)  is stupid.  Its a farce created by men and women in order to "enjoy" their relationship without ever having to get mature and truthful about it."

"Dear Rob: I was born on November 30, and am quite attached to having it as a birth date. But there's a complication. While in Iraq in 2006, I was half-blown up by a bomb, and had a near-death experience. When I returned from my excursion to the land of the dead, I felt I'd been born anew. Which is why I now also celebrate September 24, the date of the bombing, as my second birthday. What do you think? Two-Way Tamara." Dear Two-Way: I believe we'd all benefit from having at least one dramatic rebirth in the course of our lives, though hopefully not in such a wrenching fashion as yours. In fact, a fresh rebirth every few years or so would be quite healthy. If it means adding additional astrological identities to our repertoire, so much the better. Thanks for bringing up the subject, as it's an excellent time for Sagittarians everywhere to seek out an exhilarating renewal.

Perfect timing.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. "
-Captain Corelli's Mandolin

I'm just not yet convinced...

“No one wants their life thrown into chaos. That is why a lot of people keep that threat under control, and are somehow capable of sustaining a house or a structure that is already rotten. They are the engineers of the superseded.

Other people think exactly the opposite: they surrender themselves without a second thought, hoping to find in passion the solutions to all their problems. They make the other person responsible for their happiness and blame them for their possible unhappiness. They are either euphoric because something marvelous has happened or depressed because something unexpected has just ruined everything.

Keeping passion at bay or surrendering blindly to it - which of these two attitudes is the least destructive?

I don't know."
-Paulo Coehlo
~

  What is more important: happiness or passion? 
~

The grey area is seeping into every aspect of my life, which is natural.  The more you know about something, the more you should question, the less you should be sure of.  Natural.

While watching House Hunters International the other day, I found the house of my dreams. Even though the couple decided to buy the house of MY dreams, I wont hold it against them. 

Here's the exterior:

But that's not nearly the best part....

You can, and should, watch it here: http://www.hgtv.com/video/country-home-in-italy-video/index.html

I may, or may not, have spent the last half an hour here: http://www.italianpropertiesforsale.co.uk/index.

 My birthday is coming up, so if any of you out there are a millionaire, and willing to donate to a worthy cause (my lifestyle) I'm your girl.

I also attempted to surf the postings in Bologna, Italy on Craiglist...interestingly enough everything listed is a mixture of Italian and English.... which I find to be confusing.
 

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity."

-Gilda Radner

Your sword is no match for my sock puppet.

"Having spare rice cakes on hand has saved my life in numerous instances, the most recent case involved a gerbil, a manic clown, and one of the puppets from Disneyland's "It's a Small World" ride. It was a close call." –Mark Sheldon

Horoscope for the week of September 29^th-

According to my analysis of the astrological omens, it's high time for you to receive a flood of presents, compliments, rewards, and blessings. You got a problem with that? I hope not. I hope you are at peace with the fact that you deserve more than your usual share of recognition, appreciation, flirtations, and shortcuts. Please, Sagittarius? Please don't let your chronic struggles or your cynical views of the state of the world blind you to the sudden, massive influx of luck. Pretty please open your tough heart and skeptical mind to the bounty that the universe is aching to send your way.

I have absolutely no problem with that.

Things that make me happy:
-licking batter off wire beaters
-the crunch of snow
-grilled cheese and tomato soup
-Christmas cookies
-Heads up pennies

"The pulse of joy that beats in us at twenty becomes sluggish. Our limbs fail, our senses rot. We degenerate into hideous puppets, haunted by the memory of the passions of which we were too much afraid, and the exquisite temptations that we had not the courage to yield to."
- Oscar Wilde

After spending an abundance of time in the hospital this week I have come to the following conclusion:

Hospital bathrooms are gross. To the common eye they appear to be in pristine condition. But I know the floors are covered in urine and other bodily fluids. How do I know that? From experience, duh. There just happened to be an incident last year where the doctor needed to collect a sample of my pee pee. After taking the cup into the bathroom and proceeding to urinate in it, an unfortunate accident happened. I dropped the cup. Consequently I spilled the specimen all over the bathroom floor (which would happen to me). I attempted to clean up the mess myself, but anyone who has ever cleaned up anything (especially body fluid) knows that it is essential that one have proper cleaning supplies. So basically I just rubbed my urine into the floor. And then I had to wait a little while, because I had no remainder of liquid left in my bladder.

I was also extremely tempted to pull the “please pull for help” string, located in the Emergency Room bathrooms.

Doctor: “Have you ever done flow to Pitbull? There is nothing else like it; it is just awesome.”

That’s impossible.

At times like these, I thought, it was probably a good idea to carry a small hand puppet.

“When did figuring out what makes you happy become work? How had I let myself get to this point, where I had to learn me..? It was embarrassing. In my college psychology class, I had studied theories of adult development and learned that our twenties are for experimenting, exploring different jobs, and discovering what fulfills us. My professor warned against graduate school, asserting, "You're not fully formed yet. You don't know if it's what you really want to do with your life because you haven't tried enough things." Oh, no, not me.." And if you rush into something you're unsure about, you might awake midlife with a crisis on your hands," he had lectured it. Hi. Try waking up a whole lot sooner with a pre-thirty predicament worm dangling from your early bird mouth.” -Stephanie Klein

Pupaphobia= the fear of puppets.

I had a dream last night that I received a Pygmy goat as a present.

"But paradise is locked and bolted....
We must make a journey around the world to see if a back door has perhaps been left open."

-Heinrich Von Kliest