Happy Early 28th Birthday to Me!

On the week eve (is that such a thing) I am beginning to reflect upon what I have learned in my almost 28 years of life.

For the week of November 22nd:
Your redesigned thrust vectoring matrix is finally operational. Love those new nozzles! Moreover, you've managed to purge all the bugs from your cellular tracking pulse, and your high-resolution flux capacitor is retooled and as sexy as a digitally-remastered simulation of your first kiss. You're almost ready for take-off, Sagittarius! The most important task left to do is to realign your future shock absorbers. No more than a week from now, I expect you to be flying high and looking very, very good. 

I can't say that I  know everything, but I have learned a lot. As I near 30 there are many things that I am sure of:
1. Family is the most important
2. If one person doesn't love you, someone else will
3. Solitude is the best way to discover yourself
4. Animals make life worth it (I suppose kids do too, but I haven't gained that perspective yet)
5. It matters most, what you think of yourself


“You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.”
-John Green

 I miss my family more than I can often express. I believe that life begins and ends with our families. Getting older is somewhat a double edge sword. I believe whole heartedly that the older I get, the more awesome I get. However; I also know that the older I get, the older my parents get. I don't think my life or words could ever express how much I love them and they mean to me. At times it saddens me to know that we are states (although it often seems like worlds) away, and all the time we could be spending together now. I am so thankful for the wonderful childhood, parents, and values they instilled in me. Were things always perfect? No. But that's what life is. I believe they showed me the best a family can be, and I will be forever grateful and hopeful because of them.

“One swing set, well worn but structurally sound, seeks new home. Make memories with your kid or kids so that someday he or she or they will look into the backyard and feel the ache of sentimentality as desperately as I did this afternoon. It's all fragile and fleeting, dear reader, but with this swing set, your children will be introduced to the ups and downs of human life gently and safely, and may also learn the most important lesson of all: No matter how hard you kick, no matter how high you get, you can't go all the way around.”

"You gave me forever within the numbered days, and I am grateful"
-John Green

If I have become sure of another thing, it is that love is unconditional. I began thinking the other day.. what makes a person love another person? Although I did not come to a swift and clear conclusion, I know that love is not convincing another to love you. There must be a soul, or a heart of a person, that another can recognize, push to grow, and love unconditionally. So many people seem to build ideas of love on conditions (ie-- if they just did this, or just showed that) and I think that is so unrealistic. There are millions of people in this world, and if we build our love on conditions, we are bound to fail. I think there is something to be said for science, psychology, and the chemistry of two people... and to add to that hope and faith. When I say "faith" I don't mean in a religious context; the faith that this person, this person that you love despite their faults, will continue to grow and try to fulfill what the other needs. Life is about growth... about a single slice on each birthday, not an entire cake all at once, but the continual promise that love will be there and growth will be encouraged.... year after year.

 “Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.”
- John Green

I am going to skip the next two points because I think I have talked about them enough in previous blogs. I have learned more about myself this year than ever... I thank my pets for their unconditional love and company.

"I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up my friend."
-John Green

It matters most what you think of yourself. I say this because no one is ever going to tell you who to be, or reassure you of how awesome you are. Should you have to explain this to a person? No. They should see it. In fact, if I were to propose the question "Why are you awesome?" I wouldn't expect a response. If another can't see it, or feel it, or believe it, than they probably aren't worth your time. You should never have to explain yourself to someone you love or care about...if they love you, they should feel the depth of you, all the faults, hopes, dreams, and lack-there-of combined.

“You could hear the wind in the leaves, and on that wind traveled the screams of the kids on the playground in the distance, little kids figuring out how to be alive, how to navigate a world that wasn't made for them by navigating a playground that was.”
-John Green

I have learned that there is no greater joy, love, or learning experience than to watch kids grow before your eyes...

And that is why, if someone asks me where my passion lies..? It's in a family, uncondtional love,  self discovery, and youth.

Happy early 28th birthday to me.

Fall, Foer, and My One Year Anniversary

There's almost nothing about the dandelion that humans can't make use of. People of many different countries have eaten its buds, leaves, and greens. Besides being tasty, it contains high levels of several vitamins and minerals. Its flowers are the prime ingredient in dandelion wine, and its roots have been turned into a coffee substitute. Herbalists from a variety of traditions have found medicinal potency in various parts of the plant. Last but not least, dandelions are pretty and fun to play with! In the coming weeks,  I invite you to approach the whole world as if it were a dandelion. In other words, get maximum use and value out of every single thing with which you interact. 

 “Since the world has changed so much, the same values don't lead to the same choices anymore.”
-Jonathan Safran Foer


I think it's time to start knitting again, after all fall is here.

Fall is my favorite because:
- Scarves!
- Layering!
-Snuggly blankets!
- Fall scented candles!
- tights!
- I can save money on pedicures!
- hot chocolate!
- I don't sweat when I get out of the shower, or when I'm getting ready for work!
- Open windows while I sleep!

“It's always possible to wake someone from sleep, but no amount of noise will wake someone who is pretending to be asleep.”   -Jonathan Safran Foer

It has been almost a year now that I have lived by myself. If there is one thing I am sure of, it's been one of my best decisions ever. I have grown as a person in the following ways:

1) I am cleaner- there is nothing like having a place to yourself and therefore having no one to blame the mess on. I clean (lately almost to an obsession) every Sunday. I know, I know, many of you probably doubt my sincerity,especially my sister. But it's true. I even clean the wall edges that build up dust, regularly. I wash my dishes, wash my sheets at least biweekly, dust, hang up my clothes, do laundry before I run out of underwear, sweep twice a week, mop my floors, and light candles religiously.

2) I thoroughly enjoy my own company- well, actually, I have always enjoyed my own company. But living by myself has allowed me to enjoy myself day-after-day. I talk to my animals. I don't have to talk to anyone regularly. I'm alone with my own thoughts, and surprisingly more positive because of it. I don't have to make small talk when I am not in the mood. Everything is my own, the way I want it. I sit in silence daily. I am more productive.  When I take work home, I actually do it... well, 50% of the time, which is a lot better than 0% of the time. Finally, there is no where else I would rather be.

3) I walk around my house, anyway I want, without shame- no, I don't really walk around naked. BUT, I can wear the same sleepy dress everyday, and there is no one here to notice or make comments. I own about 10 sleepy dresses, and I prefer maybe 2 of them; therefore, I wear the two regularly. I leave the door open when I go to the bathroom, and there is no one to offend. I leave the door open when I shower. My whole space is my own, and in it I feel very free.

4) I have a more consistent routine- some people might think that routines are boring, but I thoroughly enjoy my own routine. Only boring people are bored, as the saying goes. When I get home from work, I put on my sleepy dress, take off my make-up, and lay in bed checking Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and my gnome village (yeah, my gnome village, it's an app). I lay in bed for about 45 minutes whether I sleep or not, and then I make dinner. While I make dinner I watch TV, sometimes it's the news, sometimes it's Netflix, but most of the time it's mind-numbing. Then, I take my evening shower, crawl into bed at about 8:30, read for an hour-and-a-half, and go to sleep.

5) I am healthier- I go grocery shopping ONLY FOR MYSELF! I don't buy things that aren't good for me, because I know I would gobble them up in an evening. I don't buy candy. I rarely buy bread or meat. If it's not in my house, then I don't eat it (well, Panda Express is right down the road, which has been dangerous) but normally, I fix what I have. I eat a lot of salads, stir-fries, and cheese. I also drink a lot of wine, which can be both good and bad, depending on your perspective. I vote "good".


“Life overflows with imperfections, but some matter more than others” -Jonathan Safran Foer

Week of October 25th:
 As you contemplate what you want to be for Halloween, don't consider any of the following options: a thoroughbred racehorse wearing a blindfold; a mythic centaur clanking around in iron boots; a seahorse trying to dance on dry land. For that matter, Sagittarius, I hope you won't come close to imitating any of those hapless creatures even in your non-Halloween life. It's true that the coming days will be an excellent time to explore, analyze, and deal with your limitations. But that doesn't mean you should be overwhelmed and overcome by them. Halloween costume suggestions: Houdini, an escaped prisoner, a snake molting its skin.

"She wants to know if I love her, that's all anyone wants from anyone else, not love itself but the knowledge that love is there, like new batteries in the flashlight in the emergency kit in the hall closet." - Jonathan Safran Foer

 

I have the best job

Sagittarius horoscope for the week of September 6th: 
If I'm accurately interpreting the astrological omens, the coming months will be a soulful feast in which every day will bring you a shimmering revelation about the nature of your soul's code and how best to activate it. Reasons for grateful amazement will flow so freely that you may come to feel that miracles are routine and naturally-occurring phenomena. And get this: In your dreams, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty will get married, win the lottery, and devote their fortune to fostering your spiritual education until you are irrevocably enlightened. (I confess there's a slight chance I'm misinterpreting the signs, and everything I described will be true for only a week or so, not months.)
courtesy of www.freewillastrology.com

I just want to take some time to say "I love my job". I feel like in today's economy so few can say that, and I am thankful everyday that I do what I love.

I say this because I remember what it was like to work a shitty job. In college I worked as a tour guide, appliance salesman, smoothie artist, and barista.

The tour guide gig I actually enjoyed, I met people from all over the world who were interested in what I had to say. I worked at a non-profit in Alaska, "The Musk Ox Farm". I think part of what made this job so wonderful were my awesome co-workers.

When I worked at Sears as an appliance salesman, I thanked my lucky stars on days when no one entered my department. I sold big ticket items (I sold kitchen and laundry appliances, which I knew nothing about). Now, I want to take the time to apologize if I sold someone something crappy, but keep in mind, I was working on commission... a girls gotta make a living.

I also worked at "Jamba Juice". Although I've never enjoyed serving people, I learned how to make a mean smoothie, and I also once served Jessica Biel. Believe it. I had awesome bosses, and it put me through two years of college. I also met dear friends.

When I moved back to Alaska, I worked for an awesome local coffee joint "Kaladi Coffee". I learned a lot about coffee, and I consider myself to be a coffee snob to this day. With that being said, people prior to their caffeine in the morning can be bitches and assholes. It's true. I only state facts. People need to learn to be a little more pleasant to their baristas. You best believe I decaffeinated plenty of lattes and mochas in my day.   

 Most of all, I love being a teacher. Why? I'm glad you asked.

1. I get to watch kids grow up: I am fascinated everyday that I see all the boys who were in my first year class, who are now young men. The effervescent aromas have subsided, and I can now view these boys outside of the gas cloud I was once encompassed in. They are truly young men, with all their facial hair and hormones. My little boys now play football, like girls, and are making leaps and bounds in the classroom.

 2. I always have good stories to tell: I have learned more about "Witch Cats" and whenhamstersattack.com than I could have ever imagined. I have been told that I was born in the "19's",  and have witnessed a generation of students who think that the big event of 9/11 was the break-in of Miley Cyrus's house.

3. I get to learn everyday: I'm originally from Alaska, and recently had to teach a unit on "Arizona History". What do I know about Arizona? It's hot. That's about it. I have learned we have a state marsupial, a state amphibian, and countless other answers to trivia questions I may, or may not, have to answer in the future. That, my friends, is just an example. I learn everyday. I learn patience, kindness, and about many varietals of wine.

4. I work with amazing people. That, I think, is not in need of an explanation.

5. I have improved my memory: When I teach lessons, I often reflect upon my own childhood. I try my best to remember what it was like when I was a 5th or 6th grader. Damn, those were tough years (especially 6th grade). I try to think about lessons I learned the most from, and teachers who had the most influence in my life (Mr. Maher, Mrs. Spoth, Mr. Magner, Mrs. Crawford, Mrs. Johnston, Mrs. Merrill) I think shout-outs are appropriate.

6. I coach cheer leading: Cheer leading was at one point in my life, my only hobby, and at many times my saving grace. In high school I was shy, and in hindsight, very engulfed in my high school relationship. Cheer was "mine". It was MY thing. MY hobby. It gave me a talent, an immediate group of friends, and most of all- confidence. I have always been a relatively shy person. I may not have always been the most spirited of cheerleaders, but cheer gave me a 'life' in those formative years. It also took me to college, and paid much of my way.  I now coach a group of girls who may not be competitive, but they have 'spirit'. They teach me the importance of being involved, and wanting to learn. This is a group of girls who may have never been selected by a "public school cheer squad", but who come to practice happy to be there, wanting to learn, and wanting to further themselves. I hope the greatest gift I can give them is the gift of confidence.

On another note I have learned the importance of a "screen freeze":

Scroll Shock:  When casually browsing a web page and scrolling down you come across a picture that you had no intention or want to view. urbandictionary.com

The worst is when you are instructing a group of students, even on the most innocent of websites. Adds can be a bitch. Thank god for screen freeze (which I was unfortunate enough to have only found out about this year).

 I hope you all have a great weekend, I'm headed north to Sedona!!!

And most of all, happy birthday to my Daddy! I wish I could spend the day with you geocaching! Thank you for everything! I love you.

Teacups and Tutus

"Affirmations are the psychological equivalent to sprinkling baby powder on top of the turd your puppy has left on the carpet. This does not resolve in a cleaner carpet. It coats the underlying issue with futility." -Augusten Burroughs (This is How)

I admire the work of Canadian photographer Lissy Laricchia, aka Lissy Elle. Her alternate worlds and imaginary mind inspire me.

“And that, I realize, is the problem with many of us Americans and our perpetual pursuit of happiness. We may be fairly happy now, but there’s always tomorrow and the prospect of a happier place, a happier life. So all options are left on the table. We never fully commit. That, I think, is a dangerous thing. We can’t love a place, or a person, if we always have one foot out the door.”

 –Eric Weiner (The Geography of Bliss)

"The best person you can be is the person you are when you are alone on a random Thursday. That's who you are... Never, ever try to impress somebody. Be the person you are right now, alone, reading this book...Then hold out until you meet somebody who is utterly impressed. Because then? You have not impressed them. They will have been impressed by you... If you meet someone and they love you when you are your true, awful, not-ready-yet, boring, not cool enough, not handsome enough, not pretty enough, too fat, too poor self? And you love them back so much it makes you calm? And they have flaws and you do not mind a single one of them? If you found that, you found it."
- Augusten Burroughs

It is always safe to see yourself truthfully.

Lissy writes on her site:

"Nothing inspires me like childish things. Tutus and tea parties. Porcelain dolls and Disney movies. The love of learning and exploring that we as adults lose along the way. Walking through a forest barefoot. Talking to yourself in a silly voice. Building forts during a thunderstorm. Battling dragons and monsters in your mind. Coming home, safe and sound, and turning your adventures into art.I discovered photography as an art-form when I was 13. It quickly became an escape from the trials of adolescence, and an excuse to let it soldier on. The reason to get up in the morning and wash your hair. To re-arrange your bedroom furniture. To save your money for a Nikkor 50mm 1.8 lens. To explore an abandoned house. To tie two dozen apples to trees. To cut out a thousand paper stars. To practice ballet. To learn to levitate. To have tea parties at the age of 18. To forge, through art, a place for yourself in the world and fight tooth and nail to stay there."

"Confidence is a reduction of your own interest in whether others are thinking about you, and if so, what they're thinking. Put another way, to be more confident you need to give a whole lot less of a shit about what other people think of you." -Augusten Burroughs

But believing something is true, even with all your heart, is unrelated to whether or not what you believe is true.

Because you never really know.

 “I found the words mai pen lai on my lips. Never mind. Let it go. I am more aware of the corrosive nature of envy and try my best to squelch it before it grows. I don’t take my failures quite so hard anymore. I see beauty in dark winter sky. I can recognize a genuine smile from twenty yards. I have a new appreciation for fresh fruits and vegetables.”-Eric Weiner

 Sometimes a smile can convey more than words. A smile can complete your day. A smile can give you a good night’s sleep.

In other news, I want to learn to make these: http://pinterest.com/search/?q=Mason+Jar+Pies

The most memorable book I have read recently was by one of my long time favorite writers, Augusten Burroughs. Normally he writes satirical memoirs about his messed up childhood, but in his most recent book “This is How” Burroughs writes a no-nonsense, tough love, slap-you-in-the-face, *self help (*I use that term loosely) book.

 Happiness is "a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy"

 “Yes, there is something higher than happiness. Love is higher than happiness.” -Eric Weiner